How to be charming

Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice and patience. The more you practice, the better you will become.

1. Be genuinely interested in people.

You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some ways. If you are empathic, maybe you are interested in how people feel. Or you could be interested in how people work (psychology), or what people know (if you are an avid leaner). Learn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite (i.e. without prying) and others will feel they are interesting.

2. Remember people's names when you meet them for the first time.

This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. Repeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more the person will feel you like them and the greater the change they will warm up to you.

3. Assume rapport.

This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you. Kindness coupled with respect, make others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.

4. Smile with your eyes.

Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushed up into the eyes. The reason is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.

5. Control your tone of voice.

The tone of your voice is crucial. Voice should be gentle and peaceful. Articulate, speak clearly, and project your voice. When you say "You look nice today", it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say "It's a nice day." Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder, and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice until you get it right.

6. Issue compliments generously, as it raise others' self-esteem.

Pick out something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. For example, if you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it.

7. Sometimes being charming is about simple being a good listener.

There are people who like explaining their interests and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics, that makes you an interesting person to be around. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something they like, and are passionate about. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.

Also read the article creativity of praise.

Taken from: News Straits Times - 9 August 2012 (article), Google (images).